In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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