Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
