I want to have your abortion
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Randomize
