DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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