did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Randomize
