she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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