Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
