i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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