Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
