nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
