I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
