I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize