Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
