Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
