I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
