Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
