you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
