At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
