and you said cock pushups were impossible
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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