Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
