I hate your face
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
