why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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