and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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