We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
