Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
