maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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