it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
