i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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