i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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