I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize