He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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