i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
