winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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