how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I can't turn off my feet"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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