I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
