Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
