just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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