I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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