Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
