Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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