More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
