uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
