i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
