Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
