I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
