I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
