Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
