She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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