He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
