There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
