I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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