There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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