I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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