My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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