I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize