i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
