i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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