I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
