Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
