how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
