I'm so fucking centered right now
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
