I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
