We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
ok first of all what the fuck
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
