I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
