smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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