I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
