Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
