perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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