my cup is half full, half full of rum.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
