it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
