Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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