Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
