I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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