she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
