he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
