there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
