I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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