Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
