We won't sleep together?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
