Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
