u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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