I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Dicks are not precious.
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