Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
