i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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