She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
