when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
