Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
